Rolled Monk

Archive for April, 2010|Monthly archive page

God, my long-lost brother?

In Peeterru!, Singaara Chennai! on April 30, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Hello random reader,

Something happened yesterday. This was supposed to be a post about how I started smoking, got busted and almost killed by my mom in 9th grade (OK, 9th standard if it pleases you). But like everything in life, that story too has to wait, because something happened yesterday, something which I thought was well behind me…

I am a self-proclaimed atheist. I was not one forever, mind you. How could I have been? Born in a traditional family in south India, that too as a Tam-Bram (an apparently offensive term for a Tamil Bhramin, not to be confused with Tambaram, a place in Chennai), the Gods have accompanied me in every step of my life until I chose to ignore them. My decision to do so was not the consequence of any upsets or tragedies I had faced. It was more of a subconscious change coupled with the fact that at least in my society, being an atheist will make me stand out. So, yes, being completely honest here, probably the “cool-factor” had a greater role in shaping my beliefs than a rational analysis of the existence/non-existence of God.

Looking back at my childhood, all I could ever remember are visits to temples with my parents. I have been to almost all parts of India, Badrinath and Kedarnath inclusive, and bowed down to almost every deity in every temple. Yes, I was a believer and while people went to Ooty, Kodaikaanal or Shimla and Darjeeling during summer vacations, I went on pilgrimages.

Why go back so far down memory lane? Even in my 11th and 12th standards, I used to go to a Shiva temple near my home, almost every day. So, like I said, I have no idea why I began, not just following, but advocating atheism.

Yesterday morning, I had gone out under the pretext of buying curd, while all I wanted to was to have a smoke. There is a small temple behind my house and every time I used to pass by it, I “paid homage” to the God. I have not done this, in say, about 2 – 3 years and yesterday, while walking by, without any conscious effort from my part, I stood there for about 3 seconds and prayed. This incident greatly perturbed me and set me thinking on why I chose to ignore the Almighty, and hence this post.

I have come to realize that the existence/non-existence of God and our belief in God are two completely different (mutually exclusive) concepts. Atheism, according to Hindu philosophy (which is the only philosophy I am considering right now, because I don’t want to get confused even further), means “One who does not believe in the existence of God”. Going by this definition, I am still pretty sure that I am an atheist, I believe that God does not exist or for the time being, I am not sure that God exists (agnostic, I think). But, like I said, belief in His existence and belief in God are different and I choose to believe that I still believe in God.

This was one of the two logical explanations I could come up with, that satisfies my yesterday’s prayer stunt and let me simplify it further with this analogy: Assume you have a long-lost brother whose welfare or whereabouts, you have no idea of. Obviously, you do not know whether he is alive or dead but you would like to believe that he is alive, because it makes you feel good, safe and protected even. So God, is my long-lost brother.

Now for the more interesting, second logical explanation. Considering all the facts I have told you about my upbringing, you should have guessed by now that I was a person who used to call upon God a lot. Especially that fellow up there in Tirupati, and make deals to visit Him if He got me out of a tight spot. It has never failed me as far as I can remember. And yeah, I am in a tight spot right now, considering the fact that my S6 results are going to be out in the next 5 days.

Govindaa!!! Govindaa!!!

So subconsciously (yet again), the believer in me has resurfaced, or so it may seem, and whether you believe in God or not, in His existence or not, please do pray for my good results.

On a happier note, I am going to Nagpur for the next 4 days and today evening, I am going to watch the movie, How to tame your Dragon (no it’s not porn, an animation movie for kids in fact!!).

P S : Everyone has their own version of God. This is mine right now, and it changes everyday. This is not set in stone and is the closest I can come to describing in words, My GODS to you…

So till I write again…ciao ciao.
Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to MySpaceAdd to StumbleUponAdd to Twitter