Rolled Monk

Archive for May, 2010|Monthly archive page

Mera Beta Engineer Banega!!

In Peeterru!, Singaara Chennai!, Uncategorized on May 29, 2010 at 7:31 pm

Hello random reader,

It’s that time of the year people. JEE results out,  AIEEE 2010 results out tomorrow! Fuck…this brings back bittersweet memories.

After I had completed my 10th, I was as clueless as what to do with my life, as I am today. I just knew that I had to take the science group, join some JEE coaching class and slog for two years, get into a Prestigious Institution and life would work out the rest on its own. You see, what those sons-of-bitches who gave this idea forgot to tell me was, that I had to slog after I get into college too.

“Get into an NIT or IIT. Life’s settled”, they would tell me. Those retarded fucks had no clue as to what would happen afterwards. I have always been very fickle minded you see. I have never had a concrete idea as to what to do with my life. So when a lot of people gave their opinions thus, I decided “IIT/NIT…here I come”. But before all this, there was a time when my ambitions in life were very different. They were as pure as a virgin’s soul and changed at a constant and surprising rate of one per year.

For instance, in 7th class, the pinnacle of success in life for me was to become a chef. A real chef who works on a yacht and hangs out with girls in bikinis at exotic beaches in his free time or something like that mind you, not some wedding catering service or shit like that. I embraced the kitchen with my mind, body and soul and learnt the art of cooking from my mother who learnt it from her mother and so on.

The kitchen would be a war-zone in those days. In the beginning, my cooking was horrible. As time progressed, it became worse. My mother, grandmother, her sisters, in short, all the women in my family tried to dissuade me from this venture of mine. But I threw caution to the winds and continued to pursue cooking at home until my father intervened. He was in a bad mood and after eating my food, he got so pissed that he whooped my ass to the moon.

This could have been me!

“Burnt dosas and a salty chutney…what the fuck is this?”, he screamed. “From now on, all you are going to do is study or you better wear a skirt and sit at home”. I contemplated this for a while too, but gave up on it, because the idea of seeing me in a skirt seemed too hideous…even to me.

Next in class 8: It was the golden era of Tamil cinema. Heroes like Manoj, Kunal, Abbas, Vineeth etc., were at their peak. I saw a movie so brilliant and dazzling that I asked myself, “If these guys could act and become heroes, why can’t I?” This thought spurred me on for that whole year and I decided to invest some time and money for myself.

If this bitch could act, so could I!

For starters, I got braces (My monstrous teeth never did disappear completely into my mouth though). So from the one-of-those-kids-you-don’t-care-about status, I was elevated to pick-on-this-motherfucker-he’s-hopeless at school. But again, nothing could deter me.

I single-mindedly followed my heart and as step 2, tried to tame my hair. I had natural spikes, not unlike Christiano Ronaldo’s fake ones. But spikes and braces were a bad combination during those days. You could have only one, not both. So god-knows-how, I got them down and looked a tad more presentable. By this time though, 8th class was over and cinema seemed to be a very distant thing of the past. So I gave up my actor dreams.

me back then!

Class 9 : This is one of my favourite ambitions and I seriously wish I had followed up on this. During 8th holidays, we went on a pilgrimage. Haridwar, Rhishikesh blah blah blah. My ass was dragged down all over the country and made to visit all the fucked up public toilets in every corner of our great nation.

These were toilets too!

It was during one such trip to the toilet, in a godforsaken temple that I saw them first. Men scantily clad in orange, proclaimed themselves as sanyasins, and asked for alms. Nobody denied them. Well nobody except my dad. He got into a heated argument  with my mom for doing so and I overheard the conversation which made me wonder why doesn’t everybody take up this holy service to the lord.

Apparently, they had renounced everything in life and are wandering nomads. Travelling from temple to temple, they beg for money to get their basic necessities and lived on the banks of the Ganges, a life of simple devotion and love for the almighty. “Balls”, said my dad. In his version, everything was same, except that their basic necessities involved Ganja. “How do you think they bear the cold in those costumes of theirs ?”, he asked.


I was fascinated and in love with these creatures of God. I mean, people worshiped them. What more do you need? So, as a first step of preparing myself for this lifestyle, I began smoking in 9th class. But alas, this dream too went up in smoke.

Class 10 : I began reading books. Nah, not because they were interesting or shit like that. It was because my sister read them. My ego did not allow me to remain a dumb-fuck forever while she went on to do great things (this involved impressing my father with what all she had read…arrgh)! So, I began reading too.

But the devil in me would not stop at that. He craved for more. After reading almost all books of R K Narayan and Mulk Raj Anand, I got this notion in my head that I could write. So I gave myself a pseudonym, JAB (or Narayan Raj if it pleases you), and began torturing the world with my poetry and prose. I lost most of what I wrote during those days, but if I could ever lay my hands on them again, I’d burn them.

Narayan Raj aka JAB!

I was not happy with JAB for a long time, and after Angels and Demons (best Dan Brown book ever, unlike his grossly overrated Da Vinci Code and grossly screwed up Lost Symbol – he has actually Lost his fucking Marbles in this one by the way), I began playing with my name and Bhavani was born. Well, she had to be killed very soon because board exams were approaching fast and I had to study (visions of me in a skirt began to haunt me).

So I got a decent percentage in 10th and immediately, it was Science group and since I hated biology (except for the Reproduction chapter), I took up computer science. So look where not following my heart has brought me today. If you are a class 12 student and chance upon this blog, my sincere advice to you is “Do not take up engineering”, unless of course, you are one of those extremely brilliant geek-ass maadarchods who has your life completely chalked out.

So till I write again…ciao ciao.

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