Rolled Monk

Dumbass display pictures – demystefied.

In Kozhikode!, Peeterru! on August 19, 2010 at 1:48 am

Hello random reader,

Once upon a time, before facebook and twitter gained stronghold in this holy nation of ours, there was a social networking platform called Orkut!Orkut to many Indians of my generation is like a first love. How much ever we hate it and crib about it now, we should all keep in mind the fact that all of us have, at some point or the other, tried to be the coolest thing on orkut, like we are trying to on facebook. And to be completely honest, a few of us have had our moments. Chatting with Brazilian chicks in scanty clothes using broken English and showing off to friends in school the next day was one of my favourite past-times in 10th standard.

Hot Brazillian Chicks!

As always, after sometime, Orkut lost it’s charm. The point to note here is that Orkut was out of the limelight in about a year while Facebook managed to keep me entertained for about 2-and-a-half years. I only found one serious flaw with Orkut, compared to Facebook! Display Pictures. Especially Display pictures of women.

It was the middle ages of the Indian Internet era if you remember. Nobody had their real display pictures on and in retrospect one actually curses the system. This was all before the photo-tagging “technology” and all and people seldom added photos. Albums consisted of photos of sports players and actresses and worse Vijay! It was a bad time for starting a social life and hitting on random girls (which will never ever lose it’s charm), until we found a loophole.

Ok! It was not much of a loophole. It was merely a careful observation honed over the months by constant “hitting ons” and a lot of disappointments, retrospection and analysis. I am going to present a detailed study of women and their display pictures. A report worth the Nobel Prize.

Display Picture of Girls can be mainly categorized into 4 types.

Displaytye – 1 : Own Picture/No Picture.

Since I am only taking Indian girls into consideration, finding a profile with their own pictures as display was very rare (I haven’t used that site for a while now. So I am unaware of the current trends). If you do find one, the probability of that girl being beautiful or good-looking or above average is more than 66.666… percent. And if you manage to get your friend request accepted, you might have hit the jackpot! Sigh…lucky you! Women with no picture are also generally above average but be warned. Their attitude stinks.

Displaytype – 2 : Celebrities

Now this was the most widely found type of display picture and when something is widely prevalant, it has to have sub-categories.

2a : Actors/Actresses

Defying common logic that women should have pictures of “hot actors”, many profiles instead had hotter actresses (emerging homosexual tendencies? Go figure!). In this category of girls, the hotter the actress in the display, the uglier the girl in real life.

3shaa!

2b : Sports Personalities

Those were the days I tell you. On seeing a sport related display, boys would spend a lot of time poring over copious amounts of statistics relating to that particular sport in order to capture the attention of that girl. This usually results in vain, for the girl very beautifully states and I quote : “I am really not into that game. I just found him cute/hot”. In such scenarios, the more obscure the sport or the sport person, the uglier the girl. But these females are any day better than those in category 2a.

Muttaiah!

2c : Political Personas/Terrorists

There is nothing much to say about this category except that generally, the girls are not girls at all! Yes, these are mainly fake profiles. To the direct facebook user, a fake profile is one where an innermost secret which you revealed to someone you trust is put on public display and you are the laughing stock of your social circle. This lasts until someone comes up with an even more atrocious story about someone else.

Bush! (no...not that one..)

Displaytype – 3 : Miscellaneous

Everything from eyes, quotes, to nature, to funny cartoons, to one-liners fall under this category. If the quote or one-liner or art-form displayed is very deep and philosophical in nature, the girl is below average-looking. But here the women are better than everyone in category 2 and sometimes even category 1. This is one displaytype you just cannot decide about. It’s an anomaly and you have to take your chances.

Holy Mother...

Displaytype – 4 : (name wont be revealed here…read on)

You’ve got to trust me on this. And trust me as in, trust me blindly. The girls with this displaytype are by far the ugliest of the lot. I do not know whether it is fate or coincidence or some other twisted psychological phenomenon manifesting itself, but it is true.

The pictures in this displaytype comprises of babies. As seen above, the trend continues. The cuter the baby, the “badder” the girl (I hate using the word ugly. Calling ugly women ugly is something I just cannot do! And you can quote me on this.). Watch out for pictures of themselves when they were young. They are the worst of the lot!

Babies! Beware...

So that’s all folks. All of the above mentioned facts are copyrighted and a by-product of my own twisted imagination, though true once in a while!

So till i write again, ciao ciao.

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  1. Good piece mach.. but you missed out those rather cute pics of cats and dogs (usually found smooching each other) which were quite a rage those days..matthabadi pinni pedala edutthuta.. getth.. 🙂

  2. macha.. those brazil chicks are still there is orkut, i believe 😛
    There was one more type – those showed desperateness, like broken heart, blood spilled heart etc etc

  3. so u have a grasp of the obvious…. gud one mamu

  4. lol..I think display type 3 – miscellaneous ,deserves to win!

  5. well all of them cant hav awesome profile pics like me can they… (am talkin in general not specifically abt any gender)

    well seeiously speakin… who cares… add the girls, flirt online… its not like u’ll ever meet them for real… 😛

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