Rolled Monk

Choose your Deity!!!

In Peeterru!, Singaara Chennai! on October 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Hello random reader,

September 30th 4010 AD:

The High-Court of Chennai, comprising of 5 judges, two of whom were inter-galactic crusaders belonging to the Universal Peace Keeping force, ruled that the 30 acres of barren land near the Marina beach once deemed as Corporation Grounds, has to be divided equally amongst the Cricks and Kush.

Since circa 3800AD, the aforementioned piece of land has been under dispute. But before trying to understand the verdict and it’s implications, let us delve deeper into the history of the land and the people.

The indigenous people  of the place, who were once known as Tamilians and are now an almost dying race, claim that a temple was erected during the late 20th century at the disputed site, in honour of their goddess Kushboo.

Several Historians claim that Kushboo was no goddess but a mere mortal. For instance, in the year 2756AD, noted Jobless Online Data Accumulator (JODA) Raj-mal-Hassan, notes in his memoirs that:

“Kushboo was an actress who by some stroke of luck had managed to capture the hearts of millions. A temple was built for her near Tirichurapally, which was eventually razed in 2005 AD by the same people who built it, following some snide remarks from her, which according to them went against the then Tam-culture.”

Raj-mal-Hassan quotes most of his sources to a site called Wikipedia, whose servers were unfortunately destroyed in the year 3200AD, during the Beau-boner Plague (whose cause is attributed to not paying heed to Kush’s remarks about safely boning beaus) . Thus, none of his claims are verifiable.

Kush believers claim that this observation, though mostly misconstrued and flawed, has some very minute truth. A temple was built, not in Tirichurapally, but at the disputed site and it was standing until the mid 26th century, till the cricks invaded the region. To substantiate their claims, they have produced from the memoirs of another JODA Vij-tee-Are, these following observations:

“In the year 2586 AD, I came across this temple for a lady. The temple had 3 maadi* and I began scratching my thaadee*. Then came the cricks, with a bag full of ticks. Thus started the mix…oh! I forgot to take a few pics”

Kush believers state that these lines are sufficient proof that a temple for their goddess Kushboo stood there, until the cricks (Who are they? In a minute…) forcibly took control of the land. Many a persons have pondered for many a century how these observations of Vij-Tee-Are are in any way related to the issue at hand. But as is the case with a lot of things, blind faith and belief in Kush ultimately triumphed (apparently).

The first documented non-Wikipediac evidence of the cricks invasion in the 26th century states that the cricks, though always existing, grouped themselves under the banner of Saxin. As you might have already inferred, the cricks were ardent followers of the game called Cricket.

Though cricket was declared as a game for the Gods in 2500 AD and hasn’t been played by any mortal since then, proof exists that it was once played by men. And Saxin was God back then even! Valid proof exists indicating his prowess in the game, so much so that, he was claimed to be an Avatar of a long-forgotten deity.

The cricks claim to the site was simple. Once they had established dominion over the lands, they had razed temples and worship places of all other faiths and had erected monumental structures for their own God – Saxin. The disputed land was one of their most favored locations because, as recent studies have shown, it was one of those places which had witnessed the last mortal matches of cricket.

The Corporation grounds have been a playground for many an aspiring Saxins and the cricks felt completely justified in building a place of worship there. The first crick ruler Dabur-Gang-ul-Bhogle apparently commissioned his men to raze the Kush temple and build a new place of worship for them.

This was finished in 2601 AD and stood in the disputed lands till 3992 AD when it was destroyed by Kush-Sevaks. As expected, there were riots and both sides suffered heavy losses. The case that was filed in 3949 AD by a kush leader reclaiming rights to the property caused a shut-down of the Saxin temple in the following year. It remained closed till the day it was razed.

So finally, we come back to the start of our story. Due to various reasons like lack of proper historical records and a passage of an incredulous amount of time, it was impossible to give any side complete authority over the land. The people seem to have taken this in their stride though and there will be an appeal to a higher authority from the more optimistic and hopeful ones.

Kushlaala (baby-faced kush) and Saxin, it would seem, will continue to coexist though there were no records of their existence in the first place and even if there were, they were not verifiable and even if they were verifiable, they do not state them as Gods.

Someone at some point of time must have taken a fancy to something and united people under a banner called religion. But then hey, who knows, 2000 years down the line, you or I could be a God.

*maadi – floor; *thaadee – beard.

Warning: All of this is completely imagined and utter nonsense. It ultimately (will/should/can)not make any sense.

So till I write again…ciao ciao.

  1. HA HA!!! friggin imaginative and funny… man i hope something like this for the noticeboards….

  2. OP!!! HILARIOUS!!! That’s one of the funniest things i read in a LONG while!!

  3. Hey,
    I am jobless and reading these posts, very hilarious man! How old are you though? I want to continue reading these, but not if you are some kid in your teens, that would be embarrassing for me lol
    another question: how long have you been writing these posts? you write with skill and comedy at the same time, nice man!

    • hey sanjay.. thanks…and i’m not in my teens though i wish i were…im doing my final yr..that’d make me 21! i’ve been writing since april 2010…thts when i started this blog!

      • wow, then congrats man! you’ve managed to write this while keeping up with the massive work loads lol, stamina!

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