Joint with God

Hello random reader,

The vacations have begun. This time I guess I’be around for 10 days or so and have decided to write a post per day. Since I made this decision only today, just a few minutes ago to be exact, and am in no mood to write anything as of now, here’s what we will do. The article below is something I wrote for my college magazine and it got published. So now, I am mass-communicating it…

A few days back, I was reading Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler’s autobiography. It is a pretty insightful book though I wouldn’t classify it as a must read. Something unusual happened that night. You see, this something had nothing to with Mein Kampf or even Hitler for that matter (I just wrote the first two lines to pass myself off as very wise and knowledgeable and also to capture the attention of history buffs).

Hitler was describing his life giving a lot of excruciating details, and before I knew it, I was sleeping. A sudden noise, quite similar to the sounds that a dog makes when it is pelted with stones, woke me up. A flare of blue light blinded me and from within the light, a voice spoke.

“I am Lord Krishna, the 9^th Avatar of Lord Vishnu, the script-writer of the Mahabharata and the author of the Bhagavad Geetha, with a Phd in Cow Care, Dairy management and a master’s degree in Flute Philandering (a course where you are taught to hit on beautiful women by playing the flute). So feel free to call me Dr. Krishna”, it said. You see, I get really angry when my sleep is disturbed and also I was partially blinded by the light. I was so caught up with anger and bitterness that forgetting about Divine Wrath and its side-effects, I hollered, “SHUT THE LIGHT AND GET OUTTA MY SIGHT” (I rhyme pretty well when I am angry).

A freezing chill ran up my spine. I was scared, for I had not only shouted at a God, I had shouted at Krishna, the God of all Gods, the avatar of avatars (James Cameroon flicked the name and the colour of his pets from Indian mythology by the way). I was literally shivering when the light dimmed and His countenance became clearer. For a moment there, I was actually bemused to see that He was not angry but hurt. But I controlled my laughter for I didn’t want to test his patience, and apologized.

He became much happier and We (the w is in caps because we includes a God) began talking. I asked Him the purpose of His visit and He said in a mysterious tone, “First things first”, and lit two joints and offered one to me. I was taken aback but I accepted it, for “Manners for Mortals” rule 678 states that when the Lord offers you anything, and by anything I guess they meant “anything”, accept it with a smile on your face lest he carves one for you. So grinning like mad, I accepted it and it was good stuff I tell you. I was flying within moments, and He began playing the flute. It was the first time I heard Psychedelic music from just a flute. Pink Floyd could take a feather or two out of His head..er..book (No wonder we call God the “higher” power).

Then We began talking. It was mostly nonsense which you could easily discard as weed-talk. Suddenly out of nowhere though, I asked Him, “Is the world going to end in 2012?”

He smiled in a benign manner and began “You human beings are polluting this planet. She has taken more than she can from your race and given you more than she could. You have exploited her resources for millennia…blah blah blah”. I drifted off and when I woke up after about a minute or two, He was sitting silently staring at me. I had no idea whether he answered my question or not. So very sweetly I told Him, “The stuff You gave me was too strong. That’s why I guess I drifted off. I am extremely sorry. Could You repeat the answer?”

He gave an exasperated sigh and said, “Forget that. Do you or do you not want the world to end in 2012?” This made me ponder a lot. I am headed on to become an engineer in the IT field, which was never a part of my plans for life. And, if all goes well (ah! the irony), by 2012, I’d have landed a job in some company located in Bangalore and started off with my mundane and insignificant existence like a million others. I was not going to contribute anything special to this world that would make my life worthwhile (this doesn’t mean I don’t have any dreams) and of course, in another 30-40 years time, I am going to retire with a measly amount saved in some bank and will be the father of a son/daughter who in all probability is going to turn out just like me. Taking all these factors into consideration plus the weed which was suddenly making me depressed, I said, “From my point of view it doesn’t make a difference. I mean, all of us are going to die one day right? So why not take the entire planet with you?”

It was His turn to be bemused. He suddenly seemed to have realised that letting us live on this planet was more of a punishment than taking it all away from us. So before departing, He said “Dheergayushmaanbhava (live a long and healthy life)”, and vanished in a cloud of blue smoke.

I understood that the world was not going to end in 2012. So stop worrying about insignificant details and get on with your lives (If you have one that is).

So till I write again…ciao ciao